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英文
小酒馆
本期新词
Vocabulary
Friendzoned 被发“好人卡”
Chubby /ˈtʃʌbi/ 胖乎乎的
Nuance /ˈnjuːɑːns/ 细微差别
Subtlety /ˈsʌt(ə)lti/微妙
Overdo /ˌəʊvəˈduː/ 做得过头了
Straight face 面无表情
Insincere /ˌɪnsɪnˈsɪə(r)/ 不真诚
Make me blush 让我脸红
Cross the line 越界
*公号文末附本期节目的音频 keywords＋英文逐字稿，供大家衍生阅读。来小酒馆，一起用英文视角打开世界~
欢迎加小助手微信【luluxjg2】进入社群哦。来小酒馆，一起看大世界！
人人都爱“彩虹屁”，但怎样夸人是门艺术活儿！夸不好可能让对方脚趾抠地，更可能“葬送”自己的职业生涯。
川普：我怀疑你在对我贴脸开大！
就在前不久，白宫椭圆形办公室和平协议签署仪式上，刚果（金）和卢旺达领导人共同签署了一项旨在结束刚果东部长期武装冲突的协议。
非裔出生的白宫记者哈里安娜·维拉斯（Hariana Veras）在仪式上分享了自己在刚果的见闻，称：
当地人民对和平充满希望，并透露刚果总统齐塞克迪有意提名特朗普为诺贝尔和平奖候选人（which is 很讽刺）。
特朗普一听那叫一个心花怒放，转头就回赞维拉斯“你的表达非常的美”，然后又加了句“你本人也很美~”。
NEWS
川普称：自己不该这样说，这样的赞美可能会结束自己的政治生涯。（但他还是说了，原文如下）
"I shouldnt say this, because its politically incorrect … shes beautiful," Trump said, gesturing toward Veras Victoria. "Im not allowed to say that, you know? That could be the end of my political career," he added, laughing.
看看媒体对他的“夸夸”是怎样起标题的：
@Atlanta Black Star称之为“Creep Behavior”;
@Mediatakeout 称之为“Flirting hard..”;
@TheRoot 称之为“Crushing on..”
(想查找本期音频和全英文逐字稿的小伙伴直接下拉至Part4哦~)
Caution!When Compliments Cross the Line
为什么不能随便夸人“漂亮”
在英语文化中，尤其是美国、英国等国家，个人边界(personal boundaries）)和尊重(respect) 是非常重要的价值观。
随意评论他人外貌（哪怕是夸人漂亮），尤其是异性之间，可能被视为：
越界（overstepping boundaries）
不专业（unprofessional）
带有性别暗示（gendered implications）
在职场语境下的外貌评论可能被视为不专业或骚扰：
1. 不专业性
职场更注重能力、表现和贡献，而不是外貌。夸赞对方的外貌可能会让人觉得你更关注外表而非专业素质。
2. 性别偏见
如果男性对女性说"you are beautiful"，可能被视为性别刻板印象或物化女性。而且女性在职场上更希望被认可的是能力，而非外貌。
3. 权力关系敏感
如果上级对下属说“you are beautiful”，可能会被认为有不当暗示或权力滥用的嫌疑。
这在一些公司甚至可能构成性骚扰（sexual harassment）。
而在生活语境中，这样的“夸夸”也可能引发误解或尴尬。
如果你和对方不熟，直接夸“漂亮”可能让人觉得你过于冒昧或有目的性。
即使是熟人，也要考虑对方的性格和舒适度。
其次，男性对女性说“you are beautiful”，容易被误解为调情（flirting）。
即使是善意的夸奖，也可能让人觉得不自在，尤其是在公共场合。
赞美也是要有分寸的！
有效的赞美需要遵循若干基本原则，而违背这些原则就可能陷入"尬夸"陷阱，成为笑柄。
The Art of Complimenting
赞美的艺术：怎样避免"尬夸"
赞美是一门需要细腻感知与恰当表达的艺术，而非简单的甜言蜜语堆砌。
正如美国文化脱口秀中所言："Its an art, not a science."（这是一门艺术，而非科学）。
不当的赞美不仅无法达到预期的社交效果，还可能适得其反，让人感到尴尬甚至冒犯。
那么，怎样才能避免"尬夸"，让赞美真正成为人际关系的润滑剂呢？
避免笼统评价，注重具体细节
"You look great today"（你今天看起来很棒）这样的赞美也是可以的，但相比之下，针对具体细节的赞美会显得更加真诚且令人难忘。
例如夸发型：
"I really like the way youve styled your hair today—it frames your face perfectly."（我非常喜欢你今天的发型设计—它完美地衬托了你的脸型）
夸裙子的颜色：
"That color of your dress really suits you."（你裙子的颜色好衬你啊~）
夸具体的工作：
"Your presentation slides were so well-designed, especially the way you visualized the data."（你的演示文稿设计得好赞啊，尤其是你对数据可视化的处理方式）
具体化赞美之所以有效，是因为它表明你真正注意到了对方的独特之处，而非只是客套寒暄。
研究显示，针对能力或选择的赞美比单纯外貌赞美更能建立持久的正面印象。
虽然外貌赞美最为直接，但过度依赖容易显得肤浅。将赞美拓展到个性特质与能力成就上，往往能产生更深层次的连接。
比如赞美幽默感：
"You have such a witty sense of humor—that last remark had me in stitches!"（你太幽默了—最后那句话直接给我笑翻了！）
"Your ability to lighten the mood is truly a gift."（缓和气氛这一块儿你绝对有天赋）
例如赞美智慧：
"The way you analyzed that complex issue was impressive."（你分析问题的方式让人印象深刻！）
"I always learn something new when talking to you."（和你交谈我总是能学到新的东西）
赞美领导力：
"Your team clearly respects you, and its easy to see why."（你的团队显然都很尊重你，不用猜我也知道为什么）
这些超越外表的赞美不仅避免了物化对方的可能，还能强化对方的自我价值感，对建立专业关系尤为有益。
Cultural Sensitivity
“文化敏感”与“场合意识”
即使是精心设计的赞美，如果忽略了文化背景和具体场合，也可能适得其反。在跨文化交际中，这一点尤为重要。
在相对保守的文化中，男性对女性同事的外貌赞美应更加谨慎，尤其是在工作场合。
对上级的赞美应注意保持尊重，避免显得奉承。
相比"您是我见过最优秀的领导"，"您在会议上提出的战略视角让人眼前一亮"更为恰当。
在正式场合，赞美应与情境相关。在学术研讨会上称赞一位学者的着装，就不如称赞其研究见解来得合适。
此外，赞美时的非语言信号同样重要。
真诚的眼神接触、自然的微笑和适当的身体距离都能增强赞美的可信度；
相反，夸张的语气或不适当地身体接触可能让最善意的赞美也变得令人不安。
当我们能够理解并欣赏不同赞美风格背后的文化逻辑时，跨文化交流就会少一些尴尬，多一些顺畅与愉悦。
You Can Read More Here
更多英文相关
"Compliment"
PART TWO
点击播放音频
KEY WORDS
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How to Compliment Someone in English
Giving Compliments in a Natural Way:
♦Compliment in a sincere and genuine manner. "I really love your shoes! They’re unique and stylish."
♦ Speak with enthusiasm, but make sure not to overdo it, as too much excitement can feel insincere.
Responding to Compliments Gracefully:
♦Thank you so much!"
/ "That’s really kind of you!"
/ "I appreciate that!"
While accepting a compliment, it’s okay to show some modesty by saying, "I don’t know about that, but thanks!" (This is often used in British culture).
Complimenting Without Making the Other Person Feel Uncomfortable:
♦Avoid comments about someone’s appearance that might make them feel self-conscious, e.g., commenting on weight or body shape.
“I love how you always make people smile” is a compliment that focuses on character, which is more appropriate than commenting on appearance alone.
Dos and Don’ts of Complimenting Someone
Dos:
♦Be specific:
Specific compliments feel more sincere and thoughtful. "I love the color of your dress. It really suits you!"
♦Compliment character, not just looks:
Complimenting someone’s personality can feel more meaningful and lasting. "You’re always so helpful; I really appreciate that about you."
♦Use appropriate context:
Compliment someone in a context where it makes sense (e.g., complimenting a colleague after a successful project or a friend on their achievements).
Don’ts:
♦Avoid over-exaggeration:
Too much praise can come across as insincere or flattery. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life!”
♦Be careful with compliments on appearance:
Comments on looks can be misinterpreted, especially if you don’t know the person well. Complimenting someone’s body type, weight, or saying something that could feel inappropriate.
♦Don’t make it feel like an obligation:
Complimenting someone too often or in a way that feels forced can be off-putting. Complimenting someone just to get something in return, like a favor.
节目文稿全记录
#844
Hello again欢迎来到Happy Hour英文小酒馆。关注公众号璐璐的英文小酒馆，加入我们的酒馆社群，邂逅更精彩更广阔的世界
Hi, everyone, and welcome back to Happy Hour. 欢迎回来酒馆. Hi, 安澜.
Hi, lulu, hi, everyone.
We have compliments on peoples personality or character. Like 安澜, youre such a nice person, such a kind person. (I dont mean it. )
No, I know.
But with other people I might actually mean it, you are such a nice person, youre such a kind person, thats very nice of you.
Yeah, but the thing is, for example, you gotta be a little bit careful. So for example, youre such a nice guy, for example..
Then you get friend zoned, 就是被发好人卡的时候. 安澜sounds like youre speaking from experience.
Yes, I am.
So girls said to you, 安澜, youre such a nice guy. Ouch!
That has the implication saying youre such a nice guy, but I dont like you.
Yeah. Because if its not a girl-guy thing, then they would say youre such a nice person, probably.
But I always remember once I had someone who told me you are so cute.
I guess British English and American English slightly different. I think in American spoken English when you say that guy is super cute, it doesn’t mean theyre attractive. It does mean theyre like cuddly toy.
Yeah. I would say it depends on who is saying it. So in this case it was a Chinese man, he said to me Im so cute. Obviously I think he was trying to say Im so nice, Im really kind.
Probably lovely. Thats what they mean.
Exactly. But “cute” you have to be very careful with, because it is romantic, but it can also be condescending as well.
Its not always romantic if it was a grandmother looking at a little kid or ..
I said it can be romantic, it depends on the person.
You’re so cute. Look at that pudgy face.
Yes.
Chubby face.
So cute in British English generally is for small children or animals. It has changed a little bit because we get influenced by American culture, but..
I think we’ve digressed. I think youre just trying to use this as an excuse of someone saying to tell us that someone calls you cute.
Yes, probably.
Of course, back to personality character, you can always say you have a great sense of humor. I did say this to you, raise some level of sincerity.
Thank you.
安澜youve got a very special type of sense of humor, just very unique sense of humor. I would say very dry.
Or you can also say, for example, I really admire your confidence.
I really admire your confidence, your courage. Youre doing things I wouldnt be able to do.
Exactly. That is a very strong compliment, I would say, so I really admire something about you. It means that you want to be like them.
You are aspiring to be them.
Exactly.
So having said all of these detailed compliments, lets talk about some of the rules often quite hidden or unwritten rules about compliments. I find that teaching people how to give compliments in a foreign language is often quite difficult because its the nuance of the language, isnt it? The subtlety.
So for example, its important to give compliment in a natural way. So for example, I really love your shoes or they are really unique, theyre really stylish. That is a really good natural compliment.
Its.. a lot of it, its not just what you say. Its how you say it. You speak with friendliness, with enthusiasm, but not overdoing it. You know, this whole, 安澜, I love your new shirt, wow~those shoes they look fantastic.
Thank you?
Especially with British people. Ive seen north Americans do that.
Yeah, British people would not do that.
Because I think with you guys, the first response is, are you making fun of me?
Exactly. This leads very nicely into the next bit. So how to respond to compliments?
So I remember being with students and I gave them words and expressions that they can use to compliment people and I say dont overdo it and dont underdo it. Under do it is when you do it with a straight face, you say, 安澜, you look great today.
Thats just really insincere. But if you do it too much, then its also insincere. You gotta kind of just make it sound natural.
Yeah. One question I often get asked is how do you really respond to compliments? Sometimes people can feel a bit, I dont know, feel uncomfortable?
I do. I get really embarrassed when someone compliments me. But I think thats also a bit of a British thing.
It could be a British thing. Do you know what? You know how people say in English.. when I was learning English, you often hear things like, in English people just take compliments and just say thank you very naturally. Well, British people also say things like, for example, if I say, 安澜, thats a really nice shirt, is that new? You will be like, this old thing? This is just a cheapy one.
No, its just a cheap shirt I got a few years ago.
对, 跟中国人说哪里哪里, 这个不值什么钱, its.. you do that as well.
We do that but not the same extent as in Chinese. So we would just say thank you. Thats really kind of you. I appreciate that.
Sometimes I say Im flattered. It depends on how you say it.
Yes.
You know “Im flattered”, if you say it with a straight face, you sound a bit arrogant, but if you say thats.. oh Im really flattered.
It’s a little bit formal. I would say, Im flattered.
But you can say that.
Or we can just do it as a bit of a joke there. Youre flattering me. Oh, you flattering me. Youre making me blush.
Youre making me blush, 我都脸红了. Sometimes people even say things, for example, Lulu, youre so great at languages. “I dont know about that, but thanks”. 没有你说的那么好, 没那么回事, but thanks.
This is very British. I dont think North Americans really say it to that extent.
Not really, not to that extent. I would say we feel a little bit uncomfortable with compliments because we just dont know what to do with them.
Yeah, which brings us to another point how to compliment people without making the other person feel uncomfortable.
Thats why I would say complementing about someones appearance, you gotta be rather careful with. If you compliment someones character or work or achievements, thats absolutely great. Thats absolutely fine.
But complementing someones appearance, it really does depend on the person.
Yeah, I guess so and perhaps dont do it too much, one or two sentences is OK. Keep doing it, people would think you want something from them. I think this is across cultures.
It is, for example, we wouldnt compliment someones appearance in the office, for example.
Because its not professional.
Its not professional. But if youre dating someone, then you would compliment their appearance, you compliment how good they look or if youre talking with friends, you will do that.
Except in 安澜s case, you compliment on their looks, theyll compliment on your personality, calling you a nice guy.
Yeah, pretty much. That sounds about right.
So before we finish todays episode, lets summarize the hidden rules or unwritten rules about complementing someone, the dos and donts. 安澜, would you like to do the dos?
The first one is be specific.So specific compliments feel more sincere or thoughtful. I love the color of your dress. It really suits you.
比较具体一点. Number two?
Second one, complement character.We discussed this a little bit before that when youre complementing someones personality, it feels a bit more meaningful. Andthe final one, use appropriate context.You compliment someone in a context where it makes sense.
Dont complement peoples looks when its a work situation. 要跟整个的大环境,大语境相匹配.
You complement a colleague after a successful product, after a successful project, for example. And what about the don’ts?
Well, the donts we also covered, lets summarize.
Number one. Dont overdo it, dont exaggerate.Exaggeration in compliments does not make you sound enthusiastic, instead it makes you sound insincere. Just say youre amazing. You have an amazing smile. Dont say youre the most amazing person Ive ever met in my life.
Yeah, that sounds like,satire.That sounds a bit over the top.
And number two is be careful with compliments on appearance,especially on someones body shape, weight, figure, especially if you dont know this person very well. Obviously, if you know them, you can say, youve lost weight. I did say this to people, but thats only if I know they were actually trying to work out when trying to lose weight.
You do that with people that you know quite well.
And number three, the last one, dont make it feel like an obligation.This I get asked, a lot of people say, do I have to do this? How often do I have to do this. If it feels like such obliged thing or such, like you have to push yourself very hard to do it, then this is off-putting.
And complimenting someone just to get something in return, for example, I say something nice to you, and I want you to say nice things to me or I want something from you. This is a bit off-putting.
This is fishing for compliments.
Fishing for compliments, 对, 钓鱼, 钓 compliments. Thats our dos and donts. Leave us a comment in the comment section.
Or a compliment.
Or compliments, share with us your go-to strategy when it comes to complimenting people.
Until next time.
well see you next time.
Bye.
Bye.
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